Not sleeping well

As we come to the end of week 5 of this flare up, I’m starting to fall apart. 

Yesterday I was discharged from gastro as they found nothing on the MRI. They think it’s gynae so are referring me to someone at cov for a fresh pair of eyes.

After wearing my pads but forgetting the actual TENS machine for my shift at work I was pretty sore at the end of the day. This was reflected in my awful attempt at sleeping.

Lots of tramadol and codeine. I was up every couple of hours thanks to the pain.

There were a few sudden jolts awake in the middle of the night which I can only assume that my breathing had slowed down so much that my body freaked out and made sure I was alive.

The TENS machine has been overworked today but provided little relief. 

I’m exhausted. Mentally and physically. 

I’ve never had a flare up last so long without being admitted to hospital. I honestly can’t see the light at the end of this tunnel and it’s so depressing. 

I had a chat with one of our doctors and it only made things worse. He seemed to think the cause was adhesions which is lame because the fix is further operations but in doing so you create more. It may give temporary relief but then come back again. Fighting a losing battle. They’ll only do it so many times. Plus privately it’ll cost £3k per op 😭

Today has sucked. First smear since the colposcopy and then my B12 injection which is long over due. 

I’m hoping that at the very least will make me less perpetually exhausted. I could do with one thing being a little better. No matter how small. 

I’ve had the zoladex implant in for a few weeks now and so far I just get the fun heat waves and wanted to cry all the time. I’ll give it a month or so before trying the gabapentin. I need to be sure which one is doing the job in helping me be more human. 

I’m so very very tired


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