Today has been horrific. So let’s start there and work backwards.
By 8am I was already in tears!
It’s been a mixed bag the last few weeks and seriously hit and miss as to whether I’m suffering or not.
The physio at pain clinic discovered I had practically no abdominal muscle control thanks to all the ops and the way I hold myself when I’m in pain.
She held on to my hips, asked me to pull my belly button back towards my spine and when I informed her I was doing so, she gave me a look that said “fuck. We’ve got a long way to go” and told me I wasn’t safe to do pilates yet.
It’s been a week since that appointment and this time when we tried it again, her response was along the lines of “I can feel it this time” although I apparently can’t hold it for more than a second or two.
She’s baffled I can do pole. But then again she hasn’t seen me actually attempt it!
I’ve been rota’d on theatre and portables as well as working with in patients, which means a lot of moving of heavy equipment and beds etc. It’s clearly too much for my body and I suck at taking things easy.
I’m just a massive ball of misery and pain right now. It’s a barrel of laughs.
I can’t even think straight enough to write this but thought I should try.
I’ll bullet point the rest so it’s done
- Receptionist at the GP attended my appointment without me even having to tell her my first name. How sad is that?!
- Got whinged at by my fave B12 injecting nurse for not having had my smear. Remember the one they told me they wouldn’t do?! Make up your minds people!
Got asked to do an urgent portable chest at 8am. I turn up and the patient is sat eating breakfast and asks me to shut the door so she can go to the toilet and proceeds to get out of bed. I leave immediately and tell whatever staff that are trying to ignore me that it’s not happening and she can come to me (all the way across the corridor!). Get chased by a doctor who demands to know my name and tells me how ill this woman is and needs it now and tries to guilt me into caring with what if scenarios. I’m more sick than she is, so raging I walk away, bump into Matt who hugs me and I cry like a baby on his shoulder. It set the tone for the day perfectly. It was non stop. I was spread too thin. The drugs weren’t working and the TENS was cranked up to 21 whilst I hobbled around and held my side. Lots of funny looks from patients and staff. Don’t care. I’m still doing my job.
I’m in bed now. It’s not even 6pm and I’m done
Sorry for the rant xx