Sad Panda 🐼

I’m miserable. 

Utterly miserable. 

I had a few good days of not taking any painkillers and pretending I didn’t feel really sick. I had a great weekend. But today. Today it all went belly up. 

I lasted 2 hours at work. I knew as soon as I got out of bed that I didn’t feel right. Holding the vomit bowl under my chin on the drive to work was probably a massive sign too. 

The final straw came when Suzanne screwed up her face and gave me a look that screamed “what the fuck is wrong with you? You look dreadful!”

She claims it said “you look like you’re in excruciating pain”, which I was. I still am. 

Despite the 60mg of coedine, my face and posture was showing that I was still in a lot of pain. 

I hate the look on people’s faces when they see me when I’m not feeling good. It’s full of sadness and pity. 

I know they mean well and it’s great they acknowledge my pain and aren’t going to expect too much from me, but it makes me feel worse. That face should only be used when I’m in hospital as a patient and have admitted my defeat. Until then I’m fine. Well I’m at least pretending to be fine and would appreciate it if everyone else does too. 

This whole thing sucks. There’s no pattern anymore. I stopped eating the wrong foods and the pain is still there. Nothing changed between yesterday and today and yet they’re dramatically different. 

I have plans. I have no time for this bullshit mystery illness!

Acupuncture tomorrow. Hopefully that will help again. It took a few sessions last time round. I’m hoping it works a miracle again this time. I have a life to live!

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