A little rant

There’s a huge vulnerability in being chronically ill. You spend an awful lot of time alone and all your energy goes into pretending to be ok in order to just get through the day. Your interactions with people are limited as there’s just no energy left in you to try and go out to socialise.
Despite this, I have managed to maintain some very good friendships with a handful of amazing people.

It would appear however, that my definition of friends is very different to those who I thought I was friends with. But that’s ok.
I first learnt this when I was in New Zealand, but they were people who started as work colleagues, so there wasn’t that bond of over 10 years that supposedly made them actually care due to years of history.
Now I’ve learnt that you need to be part of a group chat in order to be remembered as existing at all. Isn’t that cool!

Whilst I was off my face on morphine in hospital, on that terrible ward, I heard from so many people who I haven’t spoken to in years. People I’m not particularly close to but had worked with in the past or gone to school with etc, yet my close group of ‘friends’ were nowhere to be seen or heard of.
If a friend of mine was sick I would drop everything to spend some time with them or at least text and see if there was anything I could do, but that’s apparently where we differ.

I’m happy with my handful of truly good people I hold close to my heart and would do anything for them and know they would and have done the same in return.
I’m very lucky to have these people in my life and anyone else around is a bonus, but not something I am willing to waste any more energy in maintaining when its one way.

I’m excited to have this new lease of life finally and I’m not going to take it for granted


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